I am about to share my story from this past year,
and I hope if you continue to read, that first you go back and read what I
wrote on October 19th. My last writing hopefully sets the stage
for the heart of this writing. This is how my story goes...
From Fall to fall...my life has been tested and my
life has been taken by surprise. I have received blessing beyond blessing
and my heart has been captured anew by the grace of God. September, one
year ago, I met a man named Jamie- a good man with kindness in his eyes, faith
and honesty in his soul, and a keen sense of wit and sarcasm that brings out
laughter in those around him. This was a man with a strong heart to
serve, a steadfast love for his friends and family, and a gentle spirit (but
don't let that spirit fool you, as his drive for life and adventure pulses in every
vein). Something was different about this man from the day we met, and my
heart was brimming with peace and growing in newfound love I had never known
before. On our second phone call I had to tell him news no guy wants to
hear from a girl he just met and had started to pursue, "So, you want to
hear something crazy? I have a brain tumor..." I thought that was
the end of it, our goodbye before it ever really began...but he didn't skip a
beat. At the strangest, most daunting time in my life, I found deep friendship with this strong man named Jamie, which grew into lasting, forever-love. He was by my side through it all.
In the meantime,
friends and family had gathered about me with extraordinary generosity, incredible
faith, and kindness beyond compare, raising funds for "Caitlin Jane's
Brain Tune-Up" so that I could fly to California for life-saving
skull-based surgery at my brain stem which would be performed by Dr. Shahinian.
Oh, and let me not forget to shout it from the rooftops that Jesus found
my brain surgeon! Yes, in an unpredictable turn of events, through
pro-life advocacy work and a sweet woman in Ohio named Kim, I became friends
with Bruce Marchiano- the renowned Hollywood actor best known for playing the
role of Jesus in more films than any other actor. Bruce told me in an email, "I
believe I know the best brain surgeon in the country...just let me know if you
can't find anyone on the east coast." Closed door after closed door
led me no other option than California, as my tumor was in the most critical
part of the human anatomy, surrounded by the brain stem, three cranial nerves,
and an artery running through it. To most neurosurgeons- this was what is
considered, quite frankly, "inoperable." My primary care physician
told me with a kind and perplexed twinkle in his eye, “Caitlin, you broke the
first rule of medicine. You never want
your doctor telling you, ‘This is interesting! I’ve never seen this before!’” However, the doctor "Jesus" found for me was quite confident he could operate successfully, though he informed me that the risks were high
and anything could happen in surgery. (Yes, I do believe it was the work of the Holy Spirit who led me to Bruce who led me to Dr. Shahinian. I love to joke about Jesus finding my surgeon, but in all seriousness, it was a miracle that God led me to this doctor and there is no such thing as coincidence!) My
dad and I read through Dr. Shahinian’s text book on endoscopic brain surgery
and we were amazed- this procedure he had perfected was exactly
what my precarious and rare situation required, and we knew without doubt that this was the man to whom God had led us for my
operation.
Unfortunately, the date of
my first surgery was delayed due to medical politics...and my heart was
crushed. I chose to not give up hope.
There’s always a purpose and a blessing, even when our plans are
dashed and what makes sense is in fact crashing around us into pieces. Little did I know at the time that that date when I was
supposed to be flying to California for surgery (just about one year ago- November 8th, 2014) would be the date Jamie took me on our first date. Had I had surgery as originally planned on that day in November, I may have never gotten to know my now husband. I think of
Psalm 33:19-11, "For He spoke, and it came to be; He commanded, and it
stood firm. The LORD foils the plans of the nations; He thwarts the purposes
of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever,
the purposes of His heart through all generations." I had
planned to have brain surgery, but God planned to bring into my life the man
who would marry me. Before Christmas my surgery was delayed once again...crushing
news, but we would not give up, yet again. By this time over 100 patients around the
world were on a wait list for Dr. Shahinian and others were being turned away,
as He had to find a new hospital out of which to do his operations.
On
January 2nd, 2015, the night Jamie and my parents and I went to see Les Mis with
our dear friend Nancy and her family, I received the call that I was back on the
operating schedule and it would be the following month! Time to
book plane tickets and make plans once again...here we go! January 4th was the wedding of the
dear couple that introduced Jamie and me. What a gift to be able to sing at one of my
closest friend's weddings and celebrate in their joy, all because my surgery had
been delayed that second time. January 22nd was the annual March for Life,
and my heart was happy beyond words to be there on behalf of life, beautiful
life. February 1st was the last day I sang before surgery- I picked the
words of the old Charles Wesley hymn, "Love Divine, All Loves
Excelling" and played a haunting new tune I wrote on the piano. I was about
to embark on this great adventure, with a man by my side who cherished me, family
supporting me day by day (and helping me “keep it real”), and friends around the
country cheering me on with prayers and cards.
What was about to happen I couldn’t predict…I didn’t know what the
outcome would hold, but I knew the God who held the outcome. Christian Holocaust survivor who bravely laid her
life on the line to protect Jews, Corrie ten Boom, said it best, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future
to a known God.” And so I was ready for whatever might come my way, because I knew my God went before me.
Love
Divine, all loves excelling
Joy of
heaven, to earth come down
Fix in us
Thy humble dwelling
All Thy
faithful mercies crown
Jesus,
Thou art all compassion
Pure,
unbounded love Thou art
Visit us
with Thy salvation
Enter
every trembling heart
Breathe,
oh, breathe Thy Holy Spirit
Into
every troubled breast
Let us
all Thy grace inherit
Let us
find Thy promised rest
Take away
the love of sinning
Take our
load of guilt away
End the
work of Thy beginning
Bring us
to eternal day
Carry on
Thy new creation
Pure and
holy may we be
Let us
see our whole salvation
Perfectly
secured by Thee
Change
from glory into glory
Till in
heaven we take our place
Till we
cast our crowns before Thee
Lost in
wonder, love, and praise
(Charles Wesley, 1747)
