It's astonishing in life how one of the most momentous,
joyous occasions could simultaneously happen at the same time as one of the
most heart-wrenching, painful occasions. I was two months into my recovery
after brain surgery and hoping to get back to some
"normalcy"...little was I prepared for the two surprises about
to come to me! One surprise would be the best thing to happen in my
entire life. The other would be absolutely crushing and would challenge
my faith in an even greater capacity, though my faith felt pretty "maxed-out" after the journey I had already experienced. Both would have to do with
the amazing man God had put into my life this past year...a man my heart
was growing in love with more and more every day.
The next month was April and my family saw slow but great improvement in
my health. I could tell by subtle hints from Jamie that he was
patiently waiting for me to recover so he could propose. However, I
couldn’t imagine when he had any time to get a ring or a moment alone with my
parents to ask for their blessing. Unbeknownst to me, he did talk
with them one very early Sunday morning when he was visiting! The
following Friday he ordered a custom-designed ring setting for the diamond that
was passed down from my beloved Grannie. I was clueless- I thought
maybe in a few weeks or months this would all happen…but had no idea that he
was planning all of this at that time! He visited that same weekend he had
secretly ordered the ring and we had a beautiful walk together in one of my
favorite parks. It was peaceful and I was beginning to get glimpses of
what everyday life could feel like once I recovered.
Monday was a day that would shock us all, though, and the
next turn of events were about to change our lives and challenge our faith yet
once again. Jamie went to the doctor to find out news we never would
have imagined- he had what they thought to be a cancerous tumor and before we
knew it, he was scheduled for surgery that Wednesday, April 22! I
remember receiving the call from Jamie and the shock setting
in. Here I was still recuperating myself and hadn’t even left
my house yet, except to get my staples removed and to go for mini walks with
Jamie or my parents. My first real outing wouldn’t be to visit
friends or go to church or the store- it would be to the hospital- this time
not for me but for the one I love. My strong and supportive parents
rushed me down to Virginia to be there for his surgery and
recovery. I remember shedding a tear or two the night before his
surgery, and really for the first time feeling that, “Why God?”
feeling…but I couldn’t let despair set in! I just
couldn’t! I had to have faith and trust in the goodness of the
Lord. God was so much bigger than all of this and I knew my Jamie
was held in His hands. The Lord had been faithful thus far in our
lives- He was worthy of all our trust.
We spent some time in Virginia for his recovery and he came to Delaware
to my parents’ home (which we began to call “The Rehab Center”) for the
remainder of his recovery. Back to Virginia we traveled for
follow-up oncology appointments. We were quite a pair, both
crippled in our recoveries and both laughing and falling more in love, trying
to take care of one another, with the help of countless family and
friends. On Wednesday, May 13, Jamie came in the morning to pick me up
from his friends’ home where I was staying. He said, “Let’s take
a walk before my appointment today.” Nothing out of the ordinary for
us, since other activities were too strenuous, but we could limp along a trail
hand-in-hand and enjoy God’s creation. He took me to a park on the
Potomac River and before I knew it, he turned me around and he was on one
knee! I was speechless between my squeals of surprise and
elation! How in the world did he have time to do all
this? My surgery, his surgery, the shock of cancer,
everything! Of course I said YES!!! It was absolutely
incredible, the happiest moment ever and the most unbelievable surprise!
We began planning our wedding, not letting the obstacles of life keep us
from moving forward and living our lives. One doctor was set on starting
chemo right away. We went to Johns Hopkins for a second opinion, and
the specialist there told us there was no need to rush into chemo with a
50/50 chance that surgery kicked all the cancer, so we chose to wait and scan
and plan our lives holding fast to faith in God’s sovereignty. Our
wedding date was set for September 12 in Maine, where my happiest childhood
memories took place along the coast with family. The second week of July,
we found out that his blood work came back showing the cancer was not
gone. It was crushing news, but once again we had to look to God for all
the strength and hope we needed to start the course ahead of us. It was
10 short weeks until our wedding day and chemo would be 9 weeks long. His
oncologist encouraged us to postpone our wedding, but Jamie was determined to
not let cancer dictate our lives- we would go on living and we would be
married!
Although our hearts were filled with disappointment knowing the road
before us would be much more difficult than we had asked and prayed for… we
looked back with thanks at the beautiful summer we shared and at God’s perfect
timing once again. Had he started chemo earlier, Jamie would not have
been able to travel to Maine for my dear cousin Bridget's wedding and spend
time up there planning our own wedding, nor would he have been able to go to
Aruba to officiate one of his best friend’s weddings. God knew that these
were moments that were so very special and He allowed him to miss not one of
them! We look back and treasure all the beautiful blessings of those
several weeks leading up to chemo.
As I sit and write, recalling the twists and turns and surprises and
shocks along with the tears of joy and tears of pain...Mat Kearney's song
lyrics from "Closer to Love" come to mind...Through it all, my heart
was continually pulled closer to love- the never-ending,
all-encompassing love of God that is in Christ Jesus, as well as the steadfast,
faithful love of a man named Jamie whose heart is that of a warrior's and whose
vision for life and faith has carried me when my eyes and heart have been too
weak to see through the fire.
She got
the call today
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took
her breath away
She said
she didn't believe
It could
happen to me
I guess
we're all one phone call from our knees
We're
gonna get there soon
If every
building falls
And all
the stars fade
We'll
still be singin' this song
The one
they can't take away
I'm
gonna get there soon,
She's
gonna be there too
Cryin' in
her room
Prayin'
Lord, come through
We're
gonna get there soon
Oh it's your light,
Oh it's your light,
Oh it's
your way,
Pull me out of the dark
Pull me out of the dark
Just to
show me the way
Cryin'
out now
From so
far away...
You pull
me closer to love
Closer to
love...
'Cause
you are all that I've waited for
All of
my life (We're gonna get there)
You are
all that I've waited for
All of my life
All of my life
You pull
me closer to love
Closer to love...
Closer to love...
("Closer to Love" lyrics by Mat Kearney)